Islam's Ruling on Marriage

Islam's Ruling on Marriage


All
of the scholars are in agreement that marriage is something recommended
(Mustahab) and called for in Islam. Some took it to the level of
obligatory (wajib) for those with the ability based on the Prophet's
statement:

"Whoever has the ability should
marry for it is better in lowering the gaze and guarding one's
chastity. Whoever is not able, let him fast for it is for him a
restraint." [Al-Bukhari]

Without doubt, marriage is part of
the social agenda of Islam and the objective it to maximize marriage
and to combat "single-hood" as much as possible. This means that if
marriage begins decreasing for whatever reason such as exorbitant
dowries, economic injustice, etc. then these evils must be combated in
defense of marriage. If polygamy is neglected and not done
sufficiently, this will create a number of single women and a situation
which requires social effort to correct. Likewise, if polygamy is done
to excess by some individuals, it will produce an excess of single men
another situation which must be corrected. The raising of children must
be done in such a way which promotes marriage and raises both men and
women knowledgeable of their roles and duties within the family. All of
this can be found in Allah's command to the Muslims as a whole to
maximize marriage among us:

"And marry off the single among you
and the righteous ones among your male and female slaves. If they are
poor, Allah will enrichen them from His bounties and Allah is
expansive, knowing." [Noble Quran 24:32]

Benefits of Marriage

Children

The love of Allah is sought in
seeking to have children. Allah has decreed this as the means by which
mankind generally and this Ummah specifically will continue to exist.
Allah said:

"Mothers nurse their babies two
whole years for those who wish to complete their nursing. Upon the one
for whom the baby was born is her food and her clothing in equitable
and proper terms. No soul will be emburdened beyond its ability. No
mother may be harmed on account of her child nor any father by his
child and the heir is chargeable in the same way. If the two [parents]
decide on weaning by mutual agreement and consultation, there is no
blame on them. And if you decide on a wet-nurse for your children,
there is no blame on you provided you pay what you offered equitably
and properly. And fear Allah and know that Allah sees well all that you
do." [Noble Quran 2:233]

The love of Allah's Messenger (peace
be upon him) is also sought in seeking to have children because he
(peace be upon him) said:

"Marry the loving and the fertile
for I will outdo the nations with you [r numbers]. (In another version:
"...for I will outdo the prophets with you [r numbers] on Qiyama.")

With seeking children is also the
seeking of the great blessing of a righteous offspring who makes du'a
for you after your death or the intercession of a child who dies before
reaching adulthood.

"When a person dies, his works come
to an end (are cut off) except from three sources: except from an
ongoing charity which he established or knowledge from which benefit is
taken or a righteous offspring who makes du'a for him."

From Abi Sa'id that the women said
to the Prophet (peace be upon him), "Reserve for us a day." So he
(peace be upon him) preached to them and said, "Any woman who had three
children die will find them to be a protection for them from the fire."
One woman asked, "And two?" He (peace be upon him) said, "And two [as
well]."

Other Benefits of Marriage

Protecting oneself from Shaytan by
satisfying one's desires and giving oneself rest and relief from the
world by the two spouses enjoying each other's company.

Division of labor. When one lives alone, much of his time will be taken
up by *****ng and tending to his domicile and will not be able to
dedicate time to knowledge and other good deeds. A righteous wife is an
aid to her husband in this regard. She is primarily responsible for the
keeping of the house and children while he is responsible for supplying
their needs. In addition to going out to seek their sustenance, he
should fulfill his duties in the area of da'wah, enjoining right and
forbidding wrong, jihad, etc.

Practice of self-discipline and combating the nafs training it in
responsibility and custody by fulfilling all obligations toward one's
family, being patient and forbearing with their character and putting
up with their annoyances. In addition to this, the Muslim man must
struggle and strive for their improvement in Islam and guiding them to
the straight path of the deen. He must struggle to earn from the lawful
for their sake and to participate in the raising of the children on the
best of character. These are acts of very high status and of very high
reward from Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

"Anything you spend on your family
will be a source of reward [from Allah], even a morsel of food which
you raise to your wife's mouth."

"A dinar you spent in Allah's path,
a dinar you spent in freeing a slave, a dinar which you gave in charity
to a needy person and a dinar which you spent on your family. The
greatest of them in reward is the one you spent on your family."

Afflictions of Marriage

Marriage can also represent a test or be afflicted with some harmful situations.

The worst of them is failing to seek
sustenance from the lawful. If that becomes difficult, the husband may
become tempted to reach his hand into the haram.

Falling short with regard to the
rights of women and being patient with their character and their
annoyances. In that there is a great danger because the man is the
"shepherd" in the household and is to be questioned about those under
his care. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

"Verily, woman was created from a
rib and she will never stay for you on a straight way. If you get
enjoyment from her, you get enjoyment while she still has her
crookedness but if you insist on straightening her you will break her.
And "breaking" of her is divorce."

All of you are custodians and will
be asked about your charges. The Imam is a custodian and will be asked
about his charges. The man is a custodian of his family and he will be
asked about his charges. The woman is a custodian of her husband's
house and she will be asked about her charges. The servant is a
custodian of his boss's property and he will be asked about his charges
... So all of you are custodians and will be asked about your charges.
[Al-Bukhari]

For ones family to be a distraction
from the remembrance of Allah such that he spends his days and nights
enjoying his family and fails to make time for his heart to ponder the
hereafter and to work for it. Allah said:

"O you who believe, let not your
wealth nor your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And
whoever does that are indeed those in loss." [Noble Quran 63:9]

Summary: Benefits and Harms

We have now summarized the possible
harms and benefits in marriage. So, the ruling regarding marriage for
each and every individual - as to which is better for him, marriage or
staying single - is measured against these harms and benefits. Each
seeker of Allah should measure himself against these factors and
conditions. If none of the harmful issues are present and the benefits
are all apparent such that he possesses [sufficient] wealth and good
character, is a young person with a need for companionship, then there
is no doubt that marriage is preferable and must be sought. On the
other hand, if many of the harms are suspected or feared and not all
the benefits will occur in any case, then staying single may be
preferable for a particular individual.

Considerations in Choosing a Wife

Her religion. This is by far the
most important consideration and above all others. If she does not have
good Islam, she will corrupt her husband. The Prophet (peace be upon
him) said:

"Women are married for four: her
wealth, her family, her beauty and her religion. So succeed with the
one with religion, may your hands be in the dust (i.e., may you be
impoverished if you ignore this warning).

Character. Bad character is harmful to the individual and those around them.

Beauty. This is something desirable,
even if it ranks after religion in importance, because it is one of the
things which makes the marriage strong and protects the man from
wrongdoing. For this reason, the Prophet (peace be upon him) ordered
men seeking marriage to get a look at the woman before marrying her.
Some people used to refuse to consider this nor intend it. It is
reported that Imam Ahmad chose a cross-eyed woman over her sister. But
this is rare and human nature is at odds with it.

From Al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba that he
sought to marry a woman and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to
him: "Look at her for it is more assuring that it should last between
you."

An easy (smaller) dowry. Said ibn
Al-Musayyib married his daughter for two dirhams (about $2.00). The
Prophet's dowries were generally much larger than that and there are no
specific limits put on the dowry other than that they should be
reasonable and not represent an undue obstacle to marriage.

From Umm Habibah that she was under
Ubaidullah ibn Jahsh when he went to Ethiopia ... and he died [there].
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) married Umm Habibah while she was
in Ethiopia. An-Najashi married her to him and her dowry was four
thousand and he gave her provision from his wealth and sent her to
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) with Sharhabil ibn Hasana and all
of her provision was from An-Najashi, Allah's Messenger did not send
anything to her. And the dowries of the wives of the Prophet (peace be
upon him) were four hundred dirhams.

Umar ibn Al-Khattab said: Do not
become excessive in the dowries of women for if it (i.e., high dowries)
were an honor in this life or piety with Allah, the Messenger of Allah
(peace be upon him) would have been the first of you to do it. But I
never knew Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) to have married anyone
of his wives nor to have married any of his (peace be upon him)
daughters for more than 12 ounces of gold. Abu Isa (i.e., At-Tirmidhi)
said, This is a good, sound hadith ... and the "ounce" is known by the
scholars to equal 40 dirhams, so 12 ounces is equal to 480 dirhams.

Just as excessive dowries are
disliked from the wife's side, it is equally disliked for the man to
inquire about her wealth. Ath-Thawri said: "If a man is marrying and he
asks, "What does she have?", know that he is a thief."

Virginity. Because the Law-giver
encouraged that and human nature favors it. This is because she will
love her husband more and feel closer to him than a previously married
woman. Human nature is inclined toward closeness to the first object of
love or familiarity. It is also more favorable to his love for her
because there is something which repels one from she who has been
touched by others.

Fertility. That she be capable of bearing children. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

"Marry the friendly and fertile, for I will compete with the other nations with your large numbers."

Family. She should be from a family of good religion and character.

That she be not too closely related to her husband. 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab is reported to have said:

"Marry afar and do not become sickly."

As we saw in the hadith, it is
desirable for the man to look at the woman before marrying her. Also,
the guardian of the woman should investigate the religion of the
suitor, his character and his conditions for if he marries her to a man
of corrupt character or of innovation in his deen, he will have
transgressed against her and against himself.

A man said to Al-Hassan Al-Basriy:
"To whom should I marry my daughter?" Al-Hassan said, "To one who fears
Allah for if he comes to love her, he will honor her and if he dislikes
her he will not oppress her."

A Look at the Obligations upon the Husband and Those Upon the Wife

As for the man, he must maintain justice and good character in twelve issues.

Al-Walima. The marriage celebration/feast. This is a strong sunnah and something desirable in Islam.

Good character with his wife and patience with her irritations due to her weaknesses. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

Take care with regard to women.
Verily, the woman was created from a rib and the most crooked part of
the rib is the top. So, if you insist on straightening it you will only
break it and if you leave it, it will remain crooked. So take care with
regard to women.

From Ibn Abbas who said, "I wanted
for a long time to ask Umar regarding the two wives of the Prophet
(peace be upon him) about whom Allah said {If you [two] repent to
Allah, your hearts are indeed so inclined...}" ... he said, "They are
Hafsah and Ai'shah", then he told the stories saying: "We people of
Quraish were a people who controlled our women. But when we came to
Al-Medina we found a people controlled by their women. Our wives began
to learn from them. One day I became angry with my wife and she began
arguing with me. I criticized her for this arguing of hers and she
said, Do you condemn me for arguing with you? For by Allah the wives of
the Prophet (Peace be upon him) argue with him and one of them may
boycott him (peace be upon him) the whole day until the night. So I set
out and went to Hafsah's house and said to her, "Is it true that you
argue with Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him)?" She said, "Yes." I
said, "Is it true that one of you may boycott him for the whole day
until the night?" She said, "Yes." I said, "She is surely in shame who
does that among you and in loss. Does one of you feel safe from Allah's
anger upon her for the anger of His Messenger. What if she were to die
[in that state]? Do not argue with Allah's Messenger (peace be upon
him) and do not ask him for anything. Rather, ask me for anything that
occurs to you and do not be misled by the fact that your neighbor may
be more pleasing to and more loved by Allah's Messenger (peace be upon
him) than you. (He means Ai'shah).

To be friendly with one's spouse
including playing around with them and joking with them. Allah's
Messenger (peace be upon him) had a foot-race with Ai'shah on more than
one occasion and he used to joke with his wives. He said to Jabir upon
hearing that he had married a mature woman (because he had been left
with nine sisters as orphans):

"... Choose a [young] virgin that she may play with you and you with her..."

That the husband be moderate in such
matters avoiding both being stern and unfriendly but also avoiding
being so "loose" as to fall short in his obligations as head and leader
of the family or to lose respect as such.

Moderation with regard to jealousy
such that he does not become unmindful of basic principles and the
dangers of temptation but also not to go to extremes in suspicion and
thinking evil of his mate.

"If you stay away for an extended period, do not return to your family at night."

Moderation with regard to expenses
and spending on his family. He should avoid both extremes of israf
(excess) and taqtir (miserliness).


The husband should study and learn
all of the rulings of the Shari'ah having to do with marriage, married
life and women's periods. He should make sure his wife knows all that
she needs to know in this regard and re
any innovations or deviant beliefs or practices that she may have. He
should teach her what she needs to know about her monthly periods such
as that if it ends one rakat (of time) before Maghrib that she must
make Dhuhr and Asr and if it ends one rak'at before Fajr that she
should pay back Maghrib and 'Isha. It is rare for women to take care of
such rulings.

If he has more than one wife, he
must do justice between them. The justice which is required is in
nights spent with each and what is spent on or given to each. Equality
with regard to love, affection, etc. is NOT required of the husband for
that is not within his control. If he is going on a trip and wishes to
take one with him, he can "draw straws" to decide which one.

"Whoever has two wives and favors one of them will come on Qiyama with half is body twisted (or out of line)."

From Ai'shah that the Prophet (peace
be upon him) used to divide betweenhis wives and was just between them
and he (peace be upon him) said: "O Allah, this is my division in that
which I control (or "own") so do notblame me regarding that which you
control and I do not control."

Nushuz (rebellion or turning away).
If Nushuz originates from the woman, the husband can reprimand her and
require her to return to obedience. However, he must
slowly and in steps only after being sure with himself that it is not
he himself who has transgressed bounds and become the cause of her
misbehavior. If he is certain of this, then he should begin with only
reminders and good words with guidance from the Quran and the Sunnah.
Only if this is of no avail should he escalate to the other measures
such as sleeping separately, boycotting (no more than three days), etc.

Etiquettes of having children:

Never rejoice at getting a boy or a
girl instead of the other one. You have no way of knowing in which
Allah may place the greatest good.

Pronounce the adhan in the babies right ear and the iqamah in its left right after it is born.

Give them a good name. The sunnah is
that an individual has only a single name. The rest of his name
consists of his father's name which may be followed by his
grandfather's name and then by the family or clan name. Nothing but the
first name should ever be changed. If the name has a bad meaning such
as "'Abdush-Shams" (slave of the sun), it should be changed, but ONLY
if it is the individual's FIRST name. The Prophet (peace be upon him)
changed the names of several of the sahabah because of their negative
meanings, but there was never any case where the father's name was
omitted or changed even where it has a completely reprehensible
meaning. Harb ibn 'Abdush-Shams was one such case. His name became
'Abdur-Rahman ibn 'Abdush-Shams.

Al-Aqiqah. Sacrifice two lambs for a boy and one lamb for a girl. Prepare the food and invite the Muslims to eat.

At-Tahnik. Place some mashed date or
other sweet item on the roof of the baby's mouth and moving it around
with the finger to stimulate eating and make du'a for the baby. This is
at 7 days, the same time as the Aqiqah.

From Asma': I became pregnant from
Abdullah ibn Az-Zubair. I left when nearing full term and went to
Al-Medina. After arriving at Quba, I gave birth there. I brought him to
the Prophet (peace be upon him) and put him on his (peace be upon him)
lap. He (peace be upon him) called for some dates, chewed them and then
put them from his (peace be upon him) mouth to the baby's mouth. So,
the first thing to enter his stomach was the saliva of Allah's
Messenger (peace be upon him). Then he did the Tahnik with dates, made
du'a for him and asked for blessings upon him. That was the first baby
born in Islam. (i.e., in Al-Medina and among the Muhajirin.)

Circumcision of boys.

Divorce. Divorce is allowed in Islam
but not encourage nor to be taken lightly. Divorce is the sole
prerogative of the man. If a woman desires to end the marriage but the
man is unwilling to do so, she must resort to khul'a before the imam or
a qadhi. A man should not surprise his wife with a divorce without any
misdeed on her part. It is not allowed for the woman to force her
husband to divorce without any misdeed or corruption on his part.

From Thauban that Allah's Messenger
(peace be upon him) said: "Any woman who asks her husband for divorce
without any wrongdoing, forbidden to her is even the scent of
Paradise." (This hadith is authentic.)

If he must divorce, he must adhere to the following:

He must divorce her after her period is complete and before they have been together.

He should pronounce only one divorce and take advantage of the period of ruj'a during which he can easily reverse his decision.

To be easygoing and generous during
the process, as Allah said {... or separate from them in a goodly
manner...}. It is narrated that Al-Hassan ibn Ali (may Allah be pleased
with them both) divorced his wife and sent ten thousand dirhams to her.
Upon receiving them, she said, "A small provision from a departing
lover."

Do not disclose any of her secrets to anyone else.

"Among the most evil people before
Allah on Qiyama is a man who shares intimacy with his wife and she with
him and then he exposes her secrets."

It is reported from some of the
early generations that a man wanted to divorce his wife. It was said to
him: "What is the problem with her?" He said, "An intelligent man does
not violate secrets." After he had divorced her, they asked him, "Why
did you divorce her?" He answered, "What business have I with another's
woman?".

Islam's Women

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